The Cactapus is a strange and rare animal that can't be found in a desert. Until of course it has sprung up from behind you and it has wrapped its cactus-like, spiney eight tentacles around your face; stabs you repeatedly and sucks your eyes from its sockets. It’s a little known fact that the Cactapus is a fairly innocent creature and doesn’t have a sadistic bone in its body, though in all respect it seems that way. The fact is Cactapi don’t have bones, but secondly the truth about Cactapi is as follows. Cactapi are a solitary animal that spends its lifetime aimlessly wandering through the deserts of the globe. Of course Cactapi unlike the deserts' great cats or eagles, don’t wish to be unaccompanied; No, in fact quite the opposite. The Cactapus is constantly yearning for love. So much so, that whenever a Cactapus even so much as gets a glimpse of something moving on the horizon, it can’t help but run up to it from behind, jump up on its head and cover it’s eyes with tentacles as if to say “Guess who?!”. After a few hours of French kissing, the Cactapus realizes its killed it’s one true love, and quickly tries to get rid of the evidence by consuming the corpse whole before anyone sees.

Now people would generally ask then, “Why after all that grief would a Cactapus then do it again? Surely it would see it’s wrong doings and change it’s ways.”. See the Cactapi are an evolving species, and so far have learnt through the generations that the best way to get over grief is to forget about it completely and continue life as if nothing had ever happened. Whilst a Cactapus doesn’t recall performing these unspeakable acts of love/violence, it carries around a heavy and depressing feeling that it’s not a very good animal. With all this low self-esteem and self-hatred, whenever a Cactapus comes across another of it’s species it tends to see it not fit to roam the desert and goes about trying to eradicate it. Unless of course its’ of the other gender and the Cactapus hasn’t had much luck with love lately. So Cactapi reproduce purely out of self pity.

Baby Cactapi have a perilous first few months of life surviving the unknown. That is of course if its mother hadn’t trampled or strangled it at birth. Because in its mind such indespicable spawn should never have the chance to see a days end. Cactapi young (otherwise known as Cactapitys, because its forbearers thought it was a pity they existed) spend the first years of their life with a deep mother complex, seemingly attacking small prey in search for comfort. When a Cactapity spots a Cactapi or large scary looking mummy, they stand on four legs and stretching out the rest of it’s tentacles on either side of its head to look like a spike-less cactus. Thus allowing it to survive and continue its search for mother. At the age of 5 a Cactapity stands about two feet tall, and starts having strange urges. It starts thinking about finding someone new to love. After it being obvious that mummy is not coming back or wants to hurt him. During this time the Cactapity starts growing spikes all over its body (though rather rubbery at this stage). At 7 the Cactapity is now a fully grown Cactapus with at least 500 ex-lovers and a sinking feeling that it’s not a much appreciated animal.

Feared among prison escapees and traveling merchants alike. The Cactapus is often under attack from villages surrounding the deserts edge, thus forcing Cactapi to populate as far away from these places as possible. So much so that in the very middle of the Cactopian Desert Giant Cactapi can be found in mass numbers brawling to the death for weeks on end. Until the very lucky and wounded winning Cactapus stands alone before the next wave of slightly smaller but healthier Cactapi find there way to the center of the desert to complete the never-ending cycle once again.